goodnight i made you a song goodbye
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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