i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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