you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina just clenched in fear
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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