doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
