my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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