ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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