I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
