I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
