The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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