why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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