I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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