They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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