you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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