I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
