This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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