Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
