the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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