they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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