Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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