i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
