The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
