Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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