Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
one might say we're banned from that church
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
