I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
