I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My pussy is not your playground.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
