final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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