Plan B is the new Plan A
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just googled if crying burns calories
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
