Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I touched a dick in church today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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