yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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