Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
