You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
