Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
