I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
