Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
