Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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