I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
