Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
