Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She announced her abortion via fbk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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