so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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