didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
