Christians are straight up FREAKS
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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