If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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