Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
