Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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