how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
