Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
