You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
