i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
