it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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