And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
