Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
